I am NOT Anonymous

The word "anonymous" has two meanings:

1. of unknown name; whose name is withheld
2. lacking individuality, unique character or distinction

I am here to tell you that although I may be anonymous, I am not anonymous. I am here to tell you that I am the person that always had to try for friends. I am here to tell you that nothing comes easy to me except making cereal, falling asleep and being inside my own mind.

But I am not anonymous.

I cry when I need to, even though I hate the taste of tears.
I love the sound of my laugh, even though I hate the sound of my voice.
I have always been afraid; afraid to ride a bike, afraid to put my head under water, afraid of change. And it's not because I fear death, it's because I fear the unknown. Looking down into the abyss, or looking up into endless sky, or looking forward at the series of doors waiting for me to find the courage to open them. And I am afraid.

But I am not anonymous.

And sometimes I feel like a 2 year old who cant get his shoes on, and in a moment of triumph I  mutter to myself, "yes", only to find that I put my shoe on the wrong foot. But I can still walk, and because I can still walk, I am a success.
I am a success.

And I am not anonymous.

And sometimes I think that I am profound or that I am poetic, and no one else can see it. But I can. And because I can see it, I don't care if you can, or you, or you. You don't know me. You don't know that I love God, and that I love my dog. You don't know that it's impossible for me to make decisions. And you don't know what I know, and what I've seen, and what I think, and what I feel.

And you may not even know me.

But I am NOT anonymous.

And I never will be.


(PF)